Category: Other Posts

Marriage, Our Christian Walk

We Are What We Think

deborahanndykeman

Chapter One
Late Summer of 2003

Kathy Miller applied the last stroke of mascara and pushed the applicator back into the bottle. She dabbed at a stray fleck of brown beneath her lower lash and stepped away from the mirror to take a critical assessment of her appearance. The same thing she did almost every Sunday morning before leaving for church. The last few years of the routine had become increasingly difficult with the addition of several gray hairs as well as pounds. Her curvaceous figure of twenty years ago was resulting in a lumpy look that she did not find attractive at all. Her ample bust had lost to gravity, keeping the eye away from her once trim and small waist.
She tried to fluff her brown hair, succeeding to make it even frizzier in the late summer heat and humidity of the Hudson Valley. It was desperately in need of a good cut, but she never seemed to find the time to locate a good hair dresser. Several bad ones over the years had made her a little leery of trying anyone new.
She sighed and turned away from the mirror, feeling as though she had just wasted another five minutes of her already hectic morning. She straightened the little jacket of the floral dress she wore. She felt old and tired.

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The above was taken from the first part of chapter one of my book, To Thee I’m Wed. If you are a woman, and have been married for any length of time, and you have children…multiple children… you understand the above. You have lived it while getting dressed for the day or going someplace special. Women can be very critical of themselves…probably their harshest critic.

Why?

I started my marriage full of hope and expectations. I wanted to be the perfect wife and mother, have the perfect house, and I was always going to be thin and attractive. My thoughts at nineteen, almost twenty were that I would never let myself go, as I had seen other women do. Gaining weight and becoming haggard-looking were choices…and I was going to be sure to not let that happen to me!

Now, I’ve spent the past thirty years being overweight. Yes, I’ve dieted and exercised in between having five children. I’ve never been a couch potato…but in my mind, I certainly look like a bag of potatoes! My hair is starting to go gray around the temples and there are many days when I look pretty haggard. And to me…that seems cruel!

It’s cruel because I’ve had the best of intentions. Cruel because life marches on and doesn’t wait for you to get your act together in any area. Cruel…I never wanted to look as I do now!

Yes, it’s difficult to write this. I’m baring my soul and acknowledging things I don’t really want to face, much less put down on my computer. But I know many of you feel the exact same way…we are not alone .

So…is it really about the weight and the gray hair? Probably not. And that is also true for many of us. We try to fix the outward appearance or the items that seem ‘fixable’. But we don’t deal with the real issue at hand.

To Thee I’m Wed deals with the real issue of Kathy’s loneliness in her marriage. Her children are older, her husband has a job he loves, and he is wrapped up in that. Kathy doesn’t really feel needed or wanted. I think many women attack themselves because of those feelings. They don’t know where to go or what to do, and that leaves us very vulnerable. We take comfort in many ways. Sometimes eating, drinking, and spending hours with friends so we don’t have to deal with the insecurities of our home life. And yes, sometimes male companionship enters in when we think our needs are not being met at home.

Of course those are wrong responses…usually…and no, I don’t have the answers. If I did…I wouldn’t be writing this post!

I do know that women need to take more time to be thankful for what they do have…me included. Look around and consider your life. If you are married, be thankful for that husband. If you have children, be thankful for those little blessings in disguise. Because there are many, many days, when the good side of having children can be hard to find! Be thankful for your home, your job, your church and your friends. These are all given to us to help us live this life and have enjoyment. As it says in:

Philippians 4:8 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

We can all find bad in almost any situation. Believe me…I’m a critical person. If it’s there, I’m going to find it! But that attitude also takes our joy out of life. So concentrate on that verse. Apply it to your life.

Practically…if you are overweight, take steps to lose weight. Actively get involved with changing your appearance and health for the better. Instead of watching TV and snacking, go for a walk. If you’re lonely, think of volunteer work or a job. If you’re overweight and lonely, look into a gym membership. My point being…make a change. Baby steps toward something different and positive, usually result in great strides at some point. Just start!

Just For Fun!

Millennials

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I admit it. I’m old! I’m at the place that I said I would never be. I was going to be young and hip my entire life. I was going to understand my children, their music, their clothing and their decisions. I would be young at heart and fun to be around until the day I died. I wasn’t going to be a fuddy-duddy like so many older people that I had seen when I was young.

To say a phrase I dislike…”Not!”

I have arrived at the destination I was not going to take. But I’m still a step behind. I think of younger people as yuppies, and that was how many years ago?

So the term today is millennials. I must say, I don’t even know what that all entails. But this video seemed to wrap it all up in one pretty little package. I mean no disrespect in sharing this…just a light-hearted look at what is going on in the world today. If you have been out in public at all recently, you have seen some of the things that are spoken of. If you are old like me, you’re nodding your head. If you are young like my children…you are shaking your head saying, “What?”

So, just enjoy. Start your day off with a smile on this Wednesday.

For those of you that watched this video earlier…I do apologize. There was another video after the song that I hadn’t realized was included. It was using language and expressing views that I would not state on here. Again, my point to this was to look at the millennials in a fun way.

A Quick Thought

Solitude

deborahanndykeman

I worked the night shift for a year, two years ago. I didn’t work full-time, and I am thankful for that. I don’t think I could have stood it as long as I did if I had worked a forty hour week.

I’ve never been much of a sleeper. Everything has to be about perfect for me to get a good night’s rest. The correct pillow, mattress, and room temperature. For me, around fifty degrees, snuggled under a bunch of covers works out very well. Then I sleep.

So, to have me up to work from 10 pm to 6 am a couple nights a week, usually meant no sleep for that day. By the time I arrived home, it was wake-up call for everyone else in the house at the time. Dark curtains at the window, and the temperature as cool as I could reasonably have it, didn’t seem to help when the sun was shining outside. After a year of that, I was pretty much exhausted.

What I loved about that shift was the solitude. In nursing, generally the patients and the residents are sleeping…until you go in to wake them up. Yes, I had tasks to accomplish before the next shift came in, but it wasn’t crazy with the hustle and bustle of day-time hours. The lights were low, it was quiet, and it was peaceful. Solitude.

For me, being alone isn’t a bad thing. I do appreciate my family and friends. I love a day away, or a few days when we can manage it, with my husband. An afternoon with a dear friend is very special. I look forward to our family times when we are all together, eating around the table or playing games. But I do enjoy the times like now, when I’m alone for a bit.

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Yes, I should be sleeping, and I will probably regret this decision to write at two in the morning. I’ll regret it when I’m at work later today, dragging through the last couple of hours until I can go home. But for now…it’s really nice. Just the hum of the ceiling fan, the air-conditioner coming on every now and then, and solitude. My mind works much better during these times. How about yours?

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Gardening

Cooler Days are Coming!

deborahanndykeman

Summer! Hot and humid days, sun so bright that everything is a blur. Nights that barely dip below 75 degrees, the air dripping with moisture. That’s what it’s been like here in Kansas. And I’m ready for fall!

I’ve been trying to get back on track with my walking. It really takes a nose dive during June, July and August. This morning, I finally made it out to the lake at around seven this morning. It was still ‘cool’, in a manner of speaking. Only 72 degrees out. But the steam hung heavy over the lake and after twenty minutes, I was soaked through. Ugh! Our daughter’s dog, Buddy went with us. He gave up before us and just about needed a lift back to the van.

But before summer ends we still have tomatoes to redden on the vine. Lots of peppers to pick and cucumbers that are as big as zucchini squash. I have made refrigerator pickles in the past. They are my favorite because I can put them in a jar, add vinegar and spices, and let them sit. And I don’t have to add sugar. After one bite that puckered our lips and rolled our eyeballs, I added a little bit!

I love sour pickles, but these were over-the-top. The ‘weeds’ in the jar, as our son called them, are dill. I’ve grown my own in the past, but these are store bought.

To be fair, this summer has been a little different than others in the past. We’ve had lots of rain, sometimes torrential downpours. My little fountain has been filled to over-flowing many times this year. The flowers, grass and trees have loved it. My hedge has adored all the rain and this Monster Hedge deserves a post all it’s own. I planned to keep it trimmed up tight and neat. I wanted to keep it trimmed that way! But this hedge has a mind of it’s own and now, our son-in-law will have to return with the chain saw. Sorry David! I really did try to keep it under control.

The above picture on the left was taken in March, shortly after the hedge was trimmed back. It looked so forlorn! You can see the shepherd’s hook and the hedge is the same height. The next picture was taken a few minutes ago. You can’t see the shepherd’s hook enveloped by the branches, just the white bird feeder. The hedge is probably five feet higher than the top of the hook. The little fountain is covered as well. And I notice just now, my sun tea sitting on the table. It’s heated to around 100 degrees by now!

Summer…very special in it’s own way, but cooler days are coming and I can’t wait!

Gardening

I Did It!

deborahanndykeman

Well, after only about 12 hours, I finally have an updated site! Am I any wiser about menus and widgets, plug-ins and gr-avatars? I don’t think so. I read so much ‘stuff’ that my brain is at capacity. No wonder web-designers get so much money for what they do! But, I am pleased with the result from my end of things, and you will have to let me know what you think.

Why all the roses? I love roses! I love flowers in general and would like a bouquet in each room of my house, fresh, every week. But…that would be more money than a web-designer. I love the delicate fragrance of roses, and I have some sweet-smelling ones on my trellis, planted near my kitchen door. I adore English gardens, with climbing roses tumbling over white fences. But Kansas is pretty far removed from that…so I’ve tried to create my own English garden.

And for some reason, people have always told me they think of flowers when they see me. I have always taken that as a great compliment. So, maybe a little branding going on here.

At any rate. I hope you enjoy the new site. I’m feeling comfy already. Now it’s time for a nap!

A Quick Thought

GRRR!!!

deborahanndykeman

Okay, it is late, and I am about to chew nails. See this picture below?

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This is me, trying to figure out how to update this blog. I would rather be out there, in a machine, moving gears in the setting sun, as I try to set this, little boxy thing, on a little ‘X’ marked on the spot it is suppose to go.

So, no, I’m not important and giving you a heads-up that my site is under construction and big things are happening. Then, when I’m finished, you’re going to be ‘wowed’ by all the improvements.

No, I’m just stopping for the night, so my eyes will stop bouncing in my head and then I will try again tomorrow to ‘upgrade’ this blog. Using this WordPress just boggles my mind! I should word that differently. I am able to use it pretty well now. But if I go to make any changes…forget it! So, just click anything you want to read, it’s there in triplicate…I think. If you want to purchase a book, go to Amazon or Barnes and Noble and type in my name or title of the book, because the links aren’t working on here. Sigh!

And yes, I know you are to keep your site easy to navigate, clutter free and visually appealing. But right now, I’m just happy I haven’t lost it all yet. (I’m speaking of my blog, not my mind.) So, please don’t leave me, and I promise to return with hopefully…something! Good night!

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A Quick Thought

Peace of Life

deborahanndykeman

Hello…is anybody out there? Some days, you just feel…alone. It seems as though no matter what you say, it’s taken wrong. That you only have friends and family if you agree and support them. If the tables were turned…you’d be flopping on a beach, struggling for air.

Some days…we have those kind of days. Sometimes I wonder, if I just said what I wanted to, like others do to me, would I still have a friend or family member? If I expressed myself, did what I wanted, when I wanted…would people still speak to me…as I’m expected to when dealing with them?

There are days when I want to go far, far away, and forget all the troubles. I don’t want to worry about money, if the house is clean, the yard is mowed, the weeds are pulled. I don’t want to navigate the finances for a new furnace and overhaul on the house. I would like to only take care of my job at work, and have people help me as I always try to do. I don’t want to answer the phone for one more telemarketer or political call. Are the dishes done, the laundry clean, the oil changed in the car? Is the cat in or out…and is she up-to-date on her rabies shot if she’s out. Will the dog be sad and lonely if left too long? After all, he needs to be happy too.

Philippians 4:6 (NASB)

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

At times, this verse is hard to grasp. It floats beyond my reach, my thoughts of all the above crowding and littering my mind…until all I see is the miserable, selfish part of my life.

Be anxious for nothing. Instead of wanting to escape to a beach in Maine, far north where it’s too cold for others…I need to stop the quicksand of life in this world today. I need to stop and pray, thank God for everything that He has allowed in my life…good and bad. For He has allowed it for a purpose. Then I need to ask Him to help me with my day, my thoughts…and give me peace.

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In my mind, I can be on that beach. Listening to the waves roll in, the salty wind upon my face. I can watch the sunset and know there will be another day…and it may go better than the one I’m dealing with right now. And it may not, but I can have peace and contentment.

There are not too many of us that can change what is going on in our world today. We can’t put better, different people in office, we can’t make our neighbor live how we want them to. Unless you’re the boss, your co-workers don’t answer to you. We can’t use our rights to trample over everyone else’s. And no, we can’t even really control our own little world of family and friends. But we can choose to be at peace and live with contentment. Make a decision today to change your little world…and the rest of the world might not be so difficult to deal with. Have a great Monday!

A Quick Thought

Social Media…Be Happy!

deborahanndykeman

I’ve posted on here a couple of times about Facebook and social media. They are not friends of mine. The upside is the ability to connect with people you haven’t seen or heard from in ages. The downside is the ability to connect with people you haven’t seen or heard from in ages. Do you really want  to hear from that girlfriend or boyfriend you broke up with 20, 30 or even 40 years ago? Are the pictures you have of family and friends from the 1970’s really that great? If you look worse than you did in high school, maybe you want to stay in hiding. But… if you look fantastic, you may want to advertise it everywhere!

I really struggle with all the political stuff. Yes, we all understand that it is an election year here in America. But do we have to sling trash, insults and just keep the pot stirred? What does that say to the rest of the world we live in? Nothing good, I’m thinking! We are supposed to be the UNITED States of America. Not the ‘I’m going to do my thing and you can do yours, and if I don’t agree I’m going to treat you like yesterdays garbage’ States of America.

The abused animals and children information is something else I have a hard time dealing with. Yes, these are both horrendous problems in our world today. I would like to be able to stop it, have animals and people treated with respect. But I have a hard time getting my own family to listen to me…the rest of the world? Forget it!

I think the biggest problem, and this doesn’t just occur with social media, is about one’s rights. When your rights trample all over mine…you have exceeded your bounds. And this is rampant today.

Social media isn’t all bad…and I hope I’m not sounding as though it is. I love the really cute, funny items that are shared. The music videos are nice, and I love the beautiful pictures. And yes, I do adore looking at your photos…even if I don’t know you! (I think that is for another post, though!) So go ahead and Tweet, Twitter, Post to your heart’s content.

And if you have the time…watch this video. Just a little break in your day, and some good words to put to use in your life.

 

A Quick Thought

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

deborahanndykeman

I always told our children that they didn’t have to agree with me, but they needed to respect their parents. That you don’t have to agree with other people or even really like them, but you needed to show respect.

This is very lacking in our society today. I just saw it in action again yesterday. It used to be that even if you weren’t a Christian, you respected a pastor. Even if you disagreed with the President of the United States of America, you respected his position. If you disliked a teacher in school, you still respected them. Of course, there were and always will be exceptions, but generally this held true.

Other examples of respect: men taking off their hats in a public building or house, saluting the American flag, opening a door for someone, quiet when someone was talking, quiet in a movie theater, and proper attire for certain occasions. Examples of these would be funerals, weddings, church and your place of work or school.

Now it’s ‘anything goes’ attitude. I think that’s terrible. I also believe it has caused a lot of problems in our world today. It also shows a lack of knowledge, and usually an abundance of arrogance.

Come on, show a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T, and sing the song if it helps you remember. I’m sure Aretha Franklin would appreciate it! Have a great Monday!

park-972173__180What not to do!

A Day to Remember

Nostalgia…the word for today

deborahanndykeman
I always wondered how you could have nostalgia for something you never experienced. Here is the definition:
nos·tal·gia
näˈstaljə,nəˈstaljə/
noun
 1. a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations
The time periods and places I have a sentimental longing  or a wistful affection for in the past, are things that I have never experienced and I really don’t have a happy personal association with. And as I have posted before…I’m in the wrong time period…in my opinion!
I’ve always loved the Civil War decade in history. The plantations were beautiful and the clothing was extravagant and lovely. But that’s not how I would have been living. My ancestors were generally pretty poor and farmers on my father’s side of the family. Hardworking, yes, but not sitting on the veranda sipping a mint julep. They were sitting on the porch smoking a corn-cob pipe wearing hob-nail boots…and those were the females! No, I never experienced that, but I have nostalgia for that period in history.
The next decade or so was just after the second World War. My Rubyville series is living those years for parts of two books. The research for that has been exciting and I’ve learned so much! I think that after that war, America was filled with hope and a sense of accomplishment. Fathers went to work and mothers stayed home, raising the children, generally. Life was more simple and I think people were more content with their lot. And they enjoyed their little world.
No, I was not alive during these years following that war, but I had grandparents that were and I’ve spent a lot of time in assisted livings and nursing homes. I’ve loved hearing the stories. Life was not all a bed of roses, but I think there was a peace and contentment then that is lacking today.
When I was a teenager, I loved the fifties. I wore circle skirts and saddle shoes to school…a lot, and I listened to the music of that time period. I had nostalgia for the fifties, and I still do. I have SiriusXM in my car so I can listen to ’50’s on 5.
vintage-1950s-887272__180 Love this picture!
When I was a teenager, I wanted to have a red, 1957 Chevy Bel Air someday. A Ford Thunderbird that same year would have been fine as well. I would still love to dress that way…if it didn’t look so strange. Again, there was a sense of family and femininity that seems lacking today.
Maybe that’s why I enjoy writing so much. I can re-create these worlds that I missed out on. My characters can waltz in a ballgown, full skirts over hoops with tiny slippers upon their feet. They can dance the Lindy Hop to the Big Band music of so many great artists, their saddle shoes keeping time. My characters can ride around in great old cars…and for them, it’s today.

The 1960’s swept in, the decade I was born in. I didn’t care much for the styles during that decade and they seemed to just go down from there. Pretty much the same for the music. The cars lasted until the early 1970’s and then the last of the muscle cars were gone.

I’ve lived since 1964. I can appreciate some clothing, music and cars over my years here on this earth. But I have nostalgia for all those decades before.