Author: deborahanndykeman

Last week I had posted on my struggles with posting. Not about the ability to, but the content and the quality. Sometimes it is difficult to share our innermost thoughts and emotions. Doing so strips us of our coverings of pride and faith in our selves and our abilities. It leaves us open and bare for more hurt.

Writers, in my opinion, use writing in whatever genre, whatever mode, to express this. Some writers are very open and lay it all out there. Others, not so much, or they may step out and view it from afar, thus avoiding the pain or the opening of a wound.

This would be especially true in the case of abuse, whether it be emotional or physical, or a combination of both.

Such is the story line for my third book in the ‘Rubyville’ series, A Place to Heal.

All authors write what they know to a very large extent. Yes, you can research and write a very good story. But there is something about having lived it that always comes through to the reader, whether they know it or not. My third book in this series deals with spousal abuse. I pray that I dealt with it appropriately, without slogging through too much. Sometimes less is more.

No, in my husband’s defense, he has never been abusive. He has always been loving and kind, quiet and reserved. Just what I needed after having dated someone that was abusive. That time period in my life was very difficult and disastrous to my entire family because we were all young, and trusting. Damage was done that we’ve all lived with for thirty plus years. Some of us have had therapy, and that helped in certain areas. But we all still have to live with it.

Last week, I heard that this person had passed away. Very young in my opinion, had lived many years, very sick. Did it free me? I always thought it would. But it did not in my case. For many years ago, I made the decision that what had happened would not destroy me or my life. That was when I was free. That doesn’t mean that there weren’t days, weeks or months of struggles trying to live with my damaged soul. It means I wanted to go on from that time period. I feel very sad for that person, dying so young, but he had decisions to make and opportunities as well.

I pray my third story shows that you can make changes in your life. Abuse on any level doesn’t have to destroy you. I fully believe that we can decide how we live our lives. We can rise each day and be bitter, thinking about the past or even present and wallow in that hurt. Or we can make a change. No, it doesn’t usually happen immediately and there is usually fall-out. But you can start down the right path at any time. It is up to you.

I have chosen to live my life with God’s direction. Yes, He allows terrible things to happen in our lives. The book of Job is an extremely good example of this. Know, I don’t understand why He allows this. I don’t understand why the events that took place over thirty years ago were allowed in my Christian family. But they did happen. I personally feel that they made me stronger…but that has taken many years.

The biggest take-away from this is: It’s not the events themselves. It is what we do to handle those events and our attitude toward them. We choose what steps to take in our lives…all of us do. What is your choice for today?

Wow…think about that for a moment. “Our actions and decisions today will shape the way we will be living in the future.” 

A pastor of a church I attended when I was a teenager, really impacted my life. One of the many things he said was that, “bad decisions close down your options for future good decisions.” Now that is not to say that you no longer have an opportunity to make a good decision, just that your options are different than they would have been, and maybe you don’t have so many to choose from any longer.

For example, if you are a ballet dancer and you choose to go sky-diving and you don’t land correctly, causing you to lose the use of your legs…your ballet future is impacted. The scenarios are endless. That ballet dancer may go on to do just as fantastic in some other area…but dancing probably won’t be the option it use to be.

This is a lesson I tried to teach our children…and I think it is a lesson that almost always has to be learned, ‘hands on’. Going through something, reaping the discipline or rewards helps that experience solidify in your brain. It begins when we are very young. A parent tells a child, “Don’t touch the stove, the burner is hot.” Very rarely will that child process in their mind, “Oh, Mommy spoke and I will obey.” They usually have to give it a try. Hopefully, as that child racks up some experiences, they will learn to listen when spoken to. When they hit the age of thirteen…it begins again…only on a different level.

It boils down to being very cautious about the decisions you make in your life. No, we shouldn’t tread in fear, always wondering if we are going to mess up our future. But we should learn from our past mistakes…touching the stove when told not to and getting burned. It you want to be a prima ballerina, maybe jumping out of airplanes isn’t such a great idea for you.

There is a second stage to this process of thinking. It is why I use Psalm 118:24 on this blog and why I think about it each and every day. We ALL make bad decisions. We have ALL touched the stove when told not to. Most of us have had another opportunity to try again. I very firmly believe, that as long as you are on this earth…you have another chance. If you jumped out of that plane, you may not be a prima ballerina, but you could be something else just as grand…an inspiration to others.

And no, I don’t believe this is all just by chance. There is a plan. God has designed it…and it works extremely well. He is far more forgiving, offering many more chances than I would ever allow if I was in charge! He guides and directs our lives, if we care to listen. Yes, sometimes discipline is in order and many times there are rewards. Almost always, that discipline is far less than what I would have handed out if it would have been up to me! God is gracious, merciful and loving…just as we should be as parents. He is also just and righteous, disciplining when needed…just as we should as parents. The difference is that He is far more fair…He is God.

“Our actions and decisions today will shape the way we will be living in the future.”  Have you accepted Christ as your Savior? Do you know where you will go when your physical body dies? These are the two most important questions of all…and they will most definitely shape your future.