Marriage

The Wife I Want to Be When I Grow Up…

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This is a post I wrote a year or so ago. We celebrated Valentine’s Day on the 14th of this month. It made me think of this post, and what our expectations are of days such as Valentine’s Day and our engagement, and the day we wed our prince.

It may start out with Cinderella. A little girl wants to wear the frilly, flowing gown and the sparkly, glass slippers. And, “Oh yeah, I need a Prince to go with that pretty dress!” The husband of her dreams is actually an accessory.

I moved on to the cottage perched daintily in a grassy meadow, pink flowers sprinkled here and there, a rose covered white picket fence guarding the little house. cottage-1234802_1280I would have lots and lots of children skipping through the meadow, laughing and playing together in utter enjoyment of one another’s company. I don’t know where they all slept in that tiny house, but dreams don’t make sense a lot of the time. A husband and father…he was around…somewhere.

As I grew older, I thought more about the kind of husband I actually wanted to be married to. Of course he would have to be handsome and love me immensely. Yes, I would love him and I still wanted the little cottage and a couple of children. They would still frolic in the meadow, loving one another and never arguing. I don’t know why I thought this, I grew up the oldest of four. But again, dreams seldom make sense.

Thankfully, by the time I was old enough to marry I was thinking more about the attributes of a husband. I wanted him to be patient and kind, hard-working and willing to support a family. (Remember, I was down to two children by this time, not a tough job.) I wanted him to love the Lord as I did and live his life for Him. Of course I still hoped he would be handsome and funny and love me forever. I still wanted the rose-covered picket fence and adorable house.

And what kind of wife was I going to be? I knew I could cook and clean and again, I was the oldest of four and had babysat…a lot before I married. I could do all the everyday tasks of general survival and I was and am still pretty good at them. But what kind of wife am I?

Do I lift my husband up in prayer each day? Do I support him in his endeavors as he always has mine? Do I give him a smile even when I don’t wish to, a stroke of his back when I know he’s down? Do I prepare a special meal for him just because he means so much to me and I want to show him I care…even when my day has been lousy? Do I love him and stick with him even when there are times when I want to run from all the responsibilities of being a wife and mother?

Honestly…I can answer ‘no’ to each question above.

The wife I want to be when I grow up…is no longer a dream. I can make it my reality, my life. Not through my own strength, but God is there, showing me the way. The wife I want to be is loving and kind. Giving that pat and smile even when I don’t ‘feel’ like it. Being by my husband’s side even when I want to run. There is no honor or beauty in ‘having our own way’ or expressing our ‘rights’.

I am fortunate and blessed. My husband shows me daily how to be loving and kind. He always has been there for me, even when I haven’t deserved it or earned it. No, it’s not a special day for us…not an anniversary of any kind. But it is another day we have to be together and share our lives. God has blessed us abundantly over the past 32 years. And He is still working on me to become the wife I want to be when I grow up.

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I pray the same for you.

Our Christian Walk

Live Your Life Well

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Our oldest daughter shared this song with me just a few minutes ago. It has a great beat and it makes you happy, but the words are what draw you in. Here’s a message from the song writer about the song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PS5CtTVoZoU

He said it well, and my reply to the Facebook share was this: And when you look back over the years…it’s even better than you imagined. Even with all the ‘yuck’ moments. 

Life is good! And you can live your dreams. Don’t spend so much time looking back on ‘what was’. Look to now, this moment, and ‘what is’. Here’s the song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oK6IfY-gE8

Life is Real…and so are the Answers. Live your life well. Thank you Downhere for a fantastic song!

Our Christian Walk

Simple Pleasures

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I absolutely love receiving pleasure from the very simple things in life!

It’s a reminder that you don’t need a lot of money to be happy. Your house doesn’t have to be enormous or in an exclusive neighborhood. The car you drive needs to be serviceable, or even a sturdy bike will do to get you from point ‘a’ to point ‘b’. And most people have two great feet that will do the job. The climate in your part of the world doesn’t have to be perfect. Contentment in…wherever you live, wherever you’re at, however you look, and how much money you make is where it’s at.

Today, I wanted to concentrate on those simple pleasures. The things in my life that give me comfort,  make me smile, and make a day that’s not going so well, just a little better. I hope they make you smile as well.

Watching the birds at my back door. Hedges planted just for them, so they would be safe and have a home for their families. I’ve now been rewarded with six pairs of cardinals, and they give me great joy.

The hummingbirds that return every summer. They sneak up, hovering over my flowers, pausing for a short visit in their busy lives.

Beautiful scenery of the seasons. The photos and pictures that take my breath away. And no, I didn’t include winter. That may not make some of you smile! But you can look forward to spring.

Simple houses in country settings. A place that I would like to one day live. If it was beside water, even better!

Landscapes that cause you to just say, “Wow!” There are so many of those. Beauty can be seen any place in the world, no matter if it’s a forest, field, mountain, river, ocean, desert or sky view. Just take a moment to visually enjoy what the photographer, or painter has seen.

Sitting beside my little fireplace, whether reading or watching a movie. It’s extra special if my husband is there with me.

The smell of coffee brewing, sunny pictures, and cute animals always make me smile. My husband took the picture of the butterfly.

Our cat when she was a kitten. She loved this little ‘chair’.

And of course, my family brings me great joy. A husband to share my life with, children, their spouses and grandchildren that make it all worth while.

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We  all have these simple pleasures in our lives. Take time to seek them out, relish the feel of them, smile at all that you have accomplished. It makes your heart swell with joy…and that’s what life is about.

Writing

The Reader and The Reviewer

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Goodreads badge read reviews

As an author, reviews are extremely important. Especially for authors that are self-published. They don’t have a big-name publishing company behind them. And I, as a reader really understand that. As a consumer, do I want to buy the brand that has been tried and tested, or strike out on my own into no-man’s land? I’ll probably go where others have been before. If this concerns ingesting or applying to my body, I really don’t want to be the lab experiment. I want all the quirks worked out of a product.

Now, reading a book from an indie author isn’t quite the same as putting drops in your eye or rubbing lotion on your skin that hasn’t been used before. If you’re an editor, it may be a bit painful to find multiple mistakes in editing and formatting. If you’ve read a lot of books, you may find plot and character issues. But it probably won’t kill you. (Although there were a couple books that I had to read in high school that were pretty excruciating!) To read an entire book completely out of your usual genre is very difficult for some. Which is why I probably would not make a very good book reviewer for some genres. I admire those people that are able to do that.

Since I publish my books through Createspace, and they are sold on Amazon, I was surprised to learn that Amazon also owns Goodreads. I was also shocked to read that this had happened a few years ago. I guess I’ve been living under a rock and need to find a new one! I think it’s pretty safe to say that I work for the Amazon company in a round about way! And so far, they have been pretty good to me. I just need to keep working on figuring out all the little quirks involved.

One area that’s becoming more clear is the review process. Pretty much, as far as I can tell, in order to review on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Books-A-Million or even Wal-Mart.com, you need to have purchased through them. Which again, I really do understand. Their reputation is at risk, and they are running a business. A business that they want to be profitable. But that leaves  indie authors in a bit of a hole. Generally, especially in the beginning, an indie author is not known. Their name, their books, and their photo mean almost nothing to most of the reader world.

So once again, we circle around to the review process, which helps tremendously in getting an author known. People review, people read, more reviews, more people read. And so it goes. Goodreads, as far as I’ve seen, allows you to review any book that you’ve read. It is now my favorite place! sun-310144_640

Feedback is a wonderful thing. We all like to know how we’re doing and the areas where we need to improve. It hones our skills for whatever we’re doing in life.

Goodreads is also just a fun place to go if you’re an avid reader and like talking about…books. You can ask authors questions about a book, take part in trivia questions and have discussions about your favorite books. I’ve found this to be pretty enjoyable stuff. Even though I don’t have as much time to read these days as I would like, it’s fun to take part in activities involving books I have read over the years. And yes, there are some pretty big name authors on the site.

So check it out, and while you’re at Goodreads icon 16x16 Goodreads, have fun reviewing your favorite authors!

To Thee I'm Wed

To Thee I’m Wed

reviews: 3
ratings: 4 (avg rating 4.75)

 

Rubyville: A Place to Call Home, Book 1
Rubyville: A Place to Call Home, Book 1

ratings: 2 (avg rating 5.00)

 

Rubyville: A Place in My Heart, Book 4
Rubyville: A Place in My Heart, Book 4

ratings: 1 (avg rating 5.00)

 

Rubyville: A Place to Heal, Book 3
Rubyville: A Place to Heal, Book 3

ratings: 1 (avg rating 5.00)

 

Rubyville: A Place of Refuge, Book 2
Rubyville: A Place of Refuge, Book 2

ratings: 1 (avg rating 5.00)

https://www.goodreads.com/author/author_widget/14249195.Deborah_Ann_Dykeman?widget_id=1486043394

A Quick Thought

Malaise

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As I get older, I don’t seem to get sick as much as I once did. When I do get something, it doesn’t last very long or hit too hard. Just enough to put me off my routine for a couple of days. And that’s aggravating. So here I sit at two in the morning, because lying down hurts, sitting hurts, walking hurts, but I can still type. And I am thankful I can sit at the computer for a couple hours at a time. Doing that yesterday helped me to pretty much finish my current manuscript. Yes, I’ll go back today after I’ve slept a little more and see what damage I did. You want to be careful of what you write in a haze of fever. It may come back to haunt you!

During my malaise, (and I’m calling it that because I don’t know what I have, but everyone in our town has it), I’ve watched way more Netflix and Amazon Prime than I usually do. And for some reason, each movie I’ve seen has been about someone battling a disease. ALS, which my maternal grandfather died of, breast cancer and a coma are just a few of the areas I’ve explored the past couple of days.

These movies have made me extremely thankful for the health I do enjoy, most of the time. I take for granted that I can get out of bed each day, that I have a job that is pretty physical, and that our family hasn’t really had to deal with too much in the health area over the past several years.

Why does God allow some to be stricken with cancer, etc. at such young ages, while others live to be 90+ years old? We don’t know, or understand, but it happens. Why are some given a full life and many years, while others leave this earth as children? It makes me sad, and especially sad when I see others suffering.

So for all of you that aren’t feeling so great, eat some of these:

Have a cup of something warm:

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And feel better soon! get-well-1485632_1280

Before we know it, spring will be here and the flu bug will be gone! Until next time…

A Day to Remember

The Art of Eating

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At one time, it was almost a sin to put a pan of any sort on the table. Back in the past, families sat down to three meals a day, at a table that was set with dishes, glasses and cloth napkins. And strangely enough, I can remember this!

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My maternal grandparents still adhered to these rules when I was a child. Every meal consisted of preparation, table setting, and then cleaning up. That included washing dishes at the sink, not loading them into a dish washer. And I don’t recall this being a huge trial.

Sunday dinners were spent at my grandparent’s house in Denver. We would leave church and head over, the adults talking, the children playing outside on nice days, the basement or back bedrooms when not so nice out. The smell of a well-done roast would drift through the house, causing your mouth to water. There were almost always potatoes of some sort served, and gravy was liquid gold. It was carried in a little gravy boat, small ladle dipped inside, the matching plate beneath to catch any spills. Without fail there was a stack of bread upon a plate and some sort of vegetable.

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We ate on Currier and Ives plates purchased through the grocery store over time. I loved those plates and requested them when I was all grown up. I have them now, and they make me smile.

Of course dinner was finished with dessert. Sometimes we would have ice cream, the carton opened and the frozen goodness sliced. No scoop needed. My grandmother was a great baker at one time, winning ribbons for her peach cobbler and pies. I’ve never been able to find a recipe to match that peach cobbler, and for some reason, hers has vanished. Just like those long-ago meals.

Angel Food cake was another favorite. Always served with frozen strawberries from a cardboard can, a slice of vanilla ice cream on top. Sometimes my grandfather would get really adventurous, and we had the whipping cream in a can. I think he had more fun spraying it than we did!

When I was a child, I dreaded the clean-up process just as I’m sure all children did. But happy memories is what  comes to mind. It was an opportunity to talk with my grandparents. I always dried while they washed in the plastic dish pan, rinsed in the sink-full of scalding hot water, and set the dishes to drain in the matching drainer. Glasses were always washed first, then the plates and silverware. Pots and pans finished up the job. This is the same routine I still use today.

I think of all of the above as the art of eating. In our everyday homes, I think that art is lost, along with suits and dresses for church, and family drives through the countryside on a summer evening. So many things that were once slow and enjoyed, an experience to be remembered.

Yes, the Sunday came when the suggestion was made to get McDonald hamburgers. A franchise had opened near my grandparent’s home. I was nearing my teens by that time. My grandmother made her Waldorf Salad to accompany it. I can still see her standing there, slicing apples into the bowl with her paring knife. I was amazed at her technique that day, and she showed me how to hold the apple in my hand and slice it without a cutting board.  She wore an apron over her Sunday dress, the afternoon sunlight shining through the large window and splashing on the kitchen table. The blue and white plates marched around on the tablecloth, folding chairs situated for additional seating. Even if you had a hamburger, you still needed a vegetable, and a proper plate to eat it on.

And I’m glad.

A Day to Remember

La La Land…

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is a phrase I said to my children on many occasions. It came into heavy use when they thought I was being too strict, or had given them too many jobs to do in a certain time period, or day. Basically, they were living in La La Land if they thought they would spend the day reading, or watching movies, or eating three pieces of cake for dessert.

And now, La La Land is a movie! I don’t claim to be a movie critic. Yes, I am critical of many movies. Too much language, too much violence, too much showing of actions that should be kept intimate, really turn me off. I do understand that when making certain movies, you need to be realistic. A gangster covering his mouth and saying, “Oh sugar!” or slapping his adversary’s hand, probably isn’t going to cut it. But sometimes it seems a bit over the top.

I also don’t act, and I don’t know a lot about that profession. But it seems as though the talents of many actors had become more about what stunts they could do, rather than the dancing, singing, etc. that was once more about glamorous Hollywood. Don’t get me wrong. The training some of the actors go through to play a character is phenomenal, and I wouldn’t want to do it. But millions of dollars of phenomenal? I think it’s a bit over-the-top in my opinion. But let’s get back to La La Land!

My husband and I rarely go to movies. We have streaming and can watch pretty much anything. So to go to a movie and spend that much money doesn’t happen usually. And last night, I went with our second oldest while our oldest daughter took care of five children. Thank you, oldest daughter! My husband would not have enjoyed the movie. War, crime, etc. are more his genre. But he would have loved the theater. It would have made for a terrific nap. Speaking of the theater, you can check it out here: http://www.ovationcinemagrill.com/#locations It’s pretty fantastic if entertainment in the movie and eating area are for you.

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La La Land was a surprise for me. As a writer, I loved the little twist at the end. Just the kind of romantic, sentimental gesture I adore. The actors, Emma Stone https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Stone and Ryan Gosling https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Gosling didn’t show the typical singing and dancing moves that the old Hollywood was so terrific at, but that could have been intentional. It made it more sweet, in my opinion. Ryan Gosling’s piano playing was a treat, and John Legend…well he is John Legend after all! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Legend. All of this combined with a nice story line made for a really enjoyable couple of hours.

And as I said, that was a surprise to me. I haven’t read any reviews for the movie. A really quick search on Ryan Gosling’s piano playing said that he had actually played the piano in the movie. I hope that is true, my sentimental heart wants to believe that’s true. It was wonderful to see pretty dresses and suits, beautiful scenery, and that song will be in my head forever!

La La Land! It was really special to spend a couple hours there.

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A Quick Thought

Many Thanks!

deborahanndykeman

Have you heard of ‘while I was sleeping’? Well, ‘while I was working’, this blog crossed over more than 6,000 hits! I now have 80 followers. That’s a big thing to me!

I travel to other blogs, looking at their amazing numbers. Literally thousands and thousands of hits, and thousands of followers. And I think, what am I doing wrong? I’ve been at this for a year and a half now. But it’s alright…really.

I’m so very thankful for each and every person that chooses to read a post by me. I love when people comment and share their lives for a moment. It still amazes me that people have actually read my books! And a few have written lovely reviews. Reaching out to others, sharing my life and who I am is where it’s at. And I’m continually amazed that anyone cares.

So thank you to all my precious followers! Many thanks for those of you that comment. Even a few words connects me to who you are. And that’s fascinating! Have a lovely weekend!

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Parenting 101

Eyes Wide Open

deborahanndykeman

Discernment. Now there’s a word for you! Here’s the definition copied from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Definition of discernment

  1. 1:  the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure :  skill in discerning

  2. 2:  an act of perceiving or discerning something

That first definition is where it’s at, the heart of the word you might say, and it’s what befuddles us all. It is something we should all have. It’s a character trait that is developed over our years on this earth. We generally have very little discernment when we are young. A very young child cannot discern whether a stove is hot or cold until they touch it. Hence the need for parents and protection. Discernment should mature as we age, as we learn from touching the hot stove,  and our experiences in life.

Our experiences in life come in many different forms. Some from trial and error. “Wow, that stove top was glowing red and when I touched it, I was burned. It hurt!” Wisdom is another trait that comes with age. But a wise person will begin to listen at a young age to others that have experienced life a little bit. You bring in other aspects of trust and obedience to start working on that wisdom, and it’s what is crucial to raising children. They absolutely have to have areas of trial and error to cement something. But in other situations, it would be really lovely if they trusted and obeyed. “Child, the traffic on that highway is moving at 75 mph, don’t cross the road.”

The quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure. As a writer, I love to observe people. You can learn so much about a person before you ever even talk to them, just by observing their actions. Most people are fairly easy to read in the broad spectrum of things. Most people don’t hide a lot of who they are. I think it’s more about what we choose to see in someone. The one area I can think of where this is so very true is:

Dating.

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I’m fairly certain that most of us can say we dated at some point in our lives, even if it was only once in more of a courtship-type scenario. We had our eye on someone, they returned that attraction and for a period of time we were known as a couple. It may have worked out and led to marriage, or it fizzled and someone else came along. But during this period of time, we have used discernment to some extent. Maybe not well, or so well that you decided that person was not for you.

Having discernment in our teenage years and early twenties is difficult. Hormones are raging, and we tend to go blind to all the things that other person is showing and even telling us in so many ways. This is when a wise, young adult will seek guidance and listen to others that are older and have more experience in grasping and comprehending what is obscure. 

We have all come across the person that is able to put on a great act. They seem to be the perfect match. They say and do everything just right. The word seem is the one to pay attention to here. No one and no situation is perfect. So step back and observe for awhile. Sometimes this takes a few months, maybe a few years. You are looking for good character traits in a person you are thinking of marrying.

Always observe with both eyes wide open. Listen to what is actually being said, not what you want to hear. Examples of this:

  1. Your boyfriend tells you how beautiful you are, but his eyes are always watching another pretty girl.
  2. He says you can call or visit anytime, but he’s never where he says he’s going to be.
  3. He tells you he’s going to do something, but does something else.
  4. He says he wants to get married, but he doesn’t have a job, a place to  live, a car to drive, etc. He basically can’t take care of himself, but wants to add another person to the chaos.
  5. He says he loves you, but something else is always more important. His friends, partying, etc.

The list could go on and on and I’m sure you all could share some of your own. I’ve stated the above from my female viewpoint, but it can be turned around to fit the guy’s view as well. So many people have made the decision to marry into lots of problems, saying they didn’t know what the person was like. More than likely, that person showed it all, but discernment wasn’t used.

None of us will ever be perfect or find the perfect person. It will not happen on this earth. But we can save ourselves a lot of heartache if we correctly discern a certain situation.

1) Decide what kind of a person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

2) Decide what issues are extremely important to you and stick with them.

3)Don’t lower your standards to just have someone around.

Those three key statements above will take you a long way in making an informed decision about a person. Whether you are looking to be married or even a friendship. They may sound old-fashioned, and maybe they are old ideals. But they worked. Raise your children to be discerning from a very young age. It will hold them well throughout their lives.

 

social media

The Calm Before the Storm

deborahanndykeman

We are becoming a world of ‘likes’ and ‘thumbs-up’. Anyone that sees this symbol, immediately knows what it is, unless you live off the grid, or happen to have a tiny house in the middle of a jungle or Siberia. And then you are dealing with way more issues than whether  or not  someone ‘likes’ something of yours. Food and water might be more of a priority for you.

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I happen  to really like this one. It kind of reminds me of my childhood and a couple shirts I wore.retro-1254589_1280

And if I was in a silly mood, this one would work well. The one on the right would have been great for Christmas ‘thumbs-up’.

Little, yellow, happy faces adorn our social media. There are now some really cute little guys out there. I shared the sun, happy face the other day. It makes me want to smile. The flower brings good thoughts too.

But I can’t help but recall when this little ball of glee greeted you at the door of another huge shopping chain. smiley-1020193_1920

I think the goal was that you saw the little face and you just wanted to snatch everything up within sight and buy it because you felt so happy to be in the store. I needed to have one on the windshield of my mini-van. Then, while driving home I wouldn’t be running regrets through my head of all that I had bought!

The ‘thumbs-up’ symbol also has a different meaning for me and probably anyone that attended school back in the 1960’s and 1970’s. There was this game called, Thumbs-up, Seven-up. For some reason I still can’t fathom, we all thought this was exciting and a great way to spend a few minutes at a Valentine’s Day party, or while waiting to be dismissed for the day. You hid your face in your arms, upon your very smelly desk, and left one hand out with your thumb up. One person was to go around and smash down a thumb. And I mean give it a good hit. No, we were not to do that, and we were told each and every time not to do that. But, we were children and the day wouldn’t have been complete without someone crying and probably sent to the nurse’s office. Honestly, I don’t remember how the rest of the game went. I don’t know if we ever got past that first thumb hit. Please share on here if you can fill in that blank!

So when did our world become such as it is? We have way more ‘friends’ than we ever have. We communicate much more and in so many different ways. But for me, I feel as though I have less-developed friendships than ever. Am I the only one?

Gone are the days of receiving an actual letter in the mail. Do you remember walking to the mailbox with a sense of excitement and anticipation? The feel of the mailbox door in your hand, cold metal in winter, scalding hot in the summer? Pulling out that stack of envelopes and seeing familiar writing on one or two of them? Sometimes you would open it on your way back to the house, other times waiting until you found the comfiest chair or the solitude of your bedroom. And then you would read all about what someone else was doing in their life.

Phone calls were received in the same manner, especially if from someone far away. Long distance cost money, and you planned for a lengthy conversation, or shook your head when you received your phone bill in the mail.

Communication was all about patience, and anticipation whether a verbal, face-to-face chat, letter or phone. You took time for that person. And in return, they did the same for you.

No one can disagree with the conveniences of today, the instant gratification in any area. We no longer have to wait for anything, unless you have a doctor’s appointment. You can even schedule to have a baby on the day that is best suited for you. But as I’ve said on  here before, I miss the slower, more purposeful lives we once lived. We didn’t run around with our hair on fire, our lives scheduled to the limit, sleeping for eight hours deemed a luxury.

As we sit here in central Kansas, waiting for an ice-storm that seems to have changed its mind, things feel a bit more relaxed, to me. Everyone is anticipating what might happen. So let’s all take a deep breath and relish the quiet. Sit down with a hot drink of your choice, talk with  your family, play a game. Really connect with them for this period of time while life is put on a bit of a hold for a day or two. You just might find out how much you like it!