Category: Other Posts

Marriage, Our Christian Walk, Parenting 101

Confused?

deborahanndykeman

I’m not really a follower. And I would rather not be a leader. But if something needs to be done, and it’s headed to the trash can…then I would rather take charge of it.

I don’t like fads or slang terminology for a certain generation. Although when I was researching my Rubyville series of books, it was extremely interesting and fun to see what slang had been used down through the decades. As far as fashion goes, I love it. I’ve always been interested in what’s in style. But these days there are some pretty weird combinations out there. If it were possible, I would wear feminine, lacy and floral prints most of the time. Do you remember Laura Ashley or Jessica McClintock fashion? I loved it! But to dress in that mode today, all the time, you might as well don the hoop skirts or bustle, you would be viewed as just as strange.

To really be truthful, I would rather that women dressed as they once did back in the 1800’s. My opinion is that women were feminine and pretty, and I think this lasted until the second World War. I realize that our active lifestyle today would not be possible in the clothing from those eras, but there is a sense of sadness for me in that.

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Somewhere along the line, women gained the vote, their rights, the ability to earn an income just like a man…and lost so much more.

Are you confused as to where this is going?

I’m not really a follower, and don’t like to be a leader in most situations. And I believe I was created that way. That does not make me less than a man, or stupid, or not able to take care of myself. At one time, women basically controlled the world from their own little environment of their home, taking care of their family and raising children. They had much information to impart to a child before they left the home environment. Their job was to teach a child to be self-sufficient in the areas of survival. A child learned skills to manage a home, whether it was outside, or inside. The mother had much to say about a child’s political and religious future. Of course the father contributed to this as well, but with young children especially, the mother was the leader.

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Sadly today, grandparents and daycare oversee most of the rearing of children. Then it’s passed onto the school system. When a child spends most of their time learning from someone other than a parent, what view on the world are they going to take?

I don’t want to stir up trouble. But I do want you to think. Of course there are bad situations and scenarios concerning almost any topic, and that includes parenting. We’ve all seen children that would probably be better off being raised by a grandparent, or another loving and capable person. But that shouldn’t be the norm.

For me, having children was a huge responsibility, and I took it very seriously. After all, I had carried that child for almost 10 months, (I never seemed to want to give that baby up!) I changed their diapers, fed them every few hours, cuddled them, and took care of them when they were sick. That was my job, and I didn’t want anyone else doing it for me. I knew I had a tremendous influence in that little person’s life, and that’s how God designed it to be.

Again, I’m not trying to bash anyone’s parenting skills. But I do want to encourage you to follow your instincts as a mother, or father. Do what you were designed to do. Don’t allow society to dictate what you should be. Mothering is the most important job out there. Yes, the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and I guarantee you will want to quit many times over. But there is absolutely no other job as important, no other job with as much influence as the one of being a mother. Take it seriously, and lead those children to greatness.

As usual, I’ve probably rambled a bit. But I guess the bottom line is, don’t be afraid to be a woman or a man, and do the job God gave you to do. There is nothing wrong with wearing feminine clothing if you’re a woman, and the same is true if you’re a man wearing masculine clothing. Why do we all have to look the same? Why do we follow what society dictates? And now society is saying we should be gender neutral so as not to offend anyone. ( Yes, this is a bit of a rabbit trail, and for another post another time!) Why do we care? If we raise our children to have respect for life, respect and love for others, the outside doesn’t matter. The soul does. And that’s what we should really care about.

Marriage

A Trucker’s Life

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My husband drove for J.B. Hunt for many years. I was always extremely thankful for his willingness to do this because it allowed me to be at home to raise our five children. I should say four children. By the time our last came along, he was driving locally and he was home at night. Talk about a huge adjustment!

I’ve done a lot of driving in my time. And driving on the interstates with the big trucks has always given me the shivers. The first time I drove across the United States, from upstate New York to Tucson, Arizona, I was still using my learner’s permit. Following my father through all the cities and keeping that moving van in sight became an obsession that summer. It stressed me so much that I lost 10 pounds on the journey in about a week. Not a recommended diet plan! We arrived at our destination, and then made that move back to New York and the Hudson Valley region a couple years later. Not as stressful, but still not fun since we were transporting a couple of horses on that move.

During those trips, I grew to fear those trucks. You would see them in your rear view mirror, sneaking closer and closer until that gigantic grill rode on your bumper. Then they would pass, huge tires spinning at window level, seeming to pull you under that long trailer. If traffic was climbing a hill, you would pass, only to be passed again on the downward section. The journey through mountains becomes exhausting! I would do my level best to make sure I was never  caught between two tractor trailers, and if I needed to pass one, I got around them quickly.

So, when I met my husband, and he was interested in driving and wanted to team drive, well you know my answer. Then I endured several years with him being gone over-the-road. We didn’t have cell phones at the time when he first started driving. I never knew where he was. Or if he was alright. I prayed a lot for his safety and lived for the few days he would be home. We survived those years.

One summer, when our four oldest were still at home, I traveled with my husband for the month of July. The children stayed with my parents in Colorado, and we left with the J.B. Hunt truck from the Kansas City terminal. Then I had a completely different perspective of those big trucks and their drivers. I had always thought the drivers were a bit over-bearing, rude and arrogant as a lot. I believed truck stops to be about the most disgusting place you could go. Traveling with my husband showed me that there were places to stop that weren’t so bad. That some of those truck stops were family-friendly. I met lonely husbands and fathers while doing our laundry, drivers that were missing their families just as much as their families were missing them.

That July was an eye-opener for me. It was a wonderful privilege to spend so many weeks with my husband, most of the time. After all, spending weeks with one person in such a confined place can be a bit frustrating for both parties. I was able to see the traffic from a truck driver’s perspective, and the impression I had of other vehicles sharing that road wasn’t always so great. Drivers of mini-vans, cars, and small trucks can be just as rude, arrogant and thoughtless as what I had always imagined the tractor-trailer driver being. Having a compact car cut in front of several tons of metal can be a bit aggravating to say the least! But drivers of small vehicles do it…often.

I gained an appreciation for what my husband did for a living. It wasn’t just about traveling over miles of gorgeous roads, seeing the country-side. It was more about sitting for hours in traffic around big cities. Waiting for your trailer to be unloaded, and your next stop a lot further down the road with little time to get there.  It was about loneliness, and a life that few would choose. I saw my husband’s patience in new ways as he dealt with rude drivers cutting him off, hours of traffic and unloading. Things that made me want to chew my nails and scream out the window. And he did it every day.

Even now, I think of my husband as a gentleman driver. He drove carefully, and with consideration. He didn’t bully other people on the road, or tailgate. I wish all tractor-trailer drivers were the same.

That month was a learning experience for me. I have more memories of this:jam-1699089_1920

Than these kind of hours on the road:

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Stopping each day to take a shower, eat and do laundry when needed always was a challenge if you waited too late, and other drivers were doing the same. Sometimes it was a long walk into the truck stop, dodging those behemoths. truck-602567_1920

Sleeping on a small bed in a metal space with the low hum of diesel engines isn’t my favorite mode of dreaming, but at least there was air-conditioning and heat available.

No, I still don’t want to team drive. Yes, my husband and I could see the country together. But I think I would rather do it on a bicycle, over winding country roads and no mountains. I’ve become a home-body. And I enjoy my husband being at home as well. A trip across the United States doesn’t seem as fun as it once did. A trip to a big city isn’t my cup of tea either. I’m not as adventurous as I once was…and that is just fine with me!

The next time you’re driving an interstate or highway, think of the above. Remember that they are people too, and most have families they are missing. Yes,  there is the freedom of the road, the travel, the experiences, but it is also a trucker’s life.

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Just For Fun!

It’s Almost Perfect

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Okay, I really love my five children, but sometimes they can be little stinkers. If you have children, you understand this. If you babysit, have nieces and nephews, teach school…you get the idea of children. It’s one of those love/hate relationships. Which I actually enjoy. It gives life fullness and character, and saves our years here on this earth from being, well, really boring.

Our second oldest shared this video on my Facebook timeline. I think she loves me, most of the time. But yes, she fits into that ‘stinker’ hole on many occasions. What is really scary about this video, is that it is so true! She nailed it. Please watch all the way until the end if you can stand it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnzz-eFmKaw

If you are a bit on the O.C.D. side, as I am, this video will drive you crazy. I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack before it was through. But, I must be getting better, because I found the humor in it as well.

So, I dedicate this post to all of you that need to have things in your life, well…perfect. I understand! Now, I need to go back to tidying my desk so I can get some writing done! Have a great day!

Gardening

Winter Dreams

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This week in Kansas, spring is calling and I don’t want to go! This is very unusual for me. At one time, at the very first hint of warm weather, I was browsing seed catalogs and planning my new additions to the yard.

Spring is coming, way too soon for me. I want to cuddle up beside a fire and watch the snow blow outside my window. The visual beauty of drifts deepening, tree limbs laden with white frosting, and blustery skies is very appealing right now.

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I think I must be sick.

Today will be in the mid-seventies once again. The birds are chirping joyfully as they swing on the bird feeder. Their little chat groups are meeting in my olive shrubs, red cardinals dotting the small branches.

As I look out my back door, I see hedges desperately in need of trimming once again. My northern Hibiscus has dwindled down to only a few stalks, my American Beauty climbing rose died last winter and still needs to be removed. The Angel Face climbing rose on the opposite side of the leaning trellis has green shoots exploding everywhere. The stone terrace is still only half-finished and my little pond is filled with slimy water. These tasks are what meet my eye, and it makes me feel sad and old. Old because the work seems overwhelming these days, and sad because the motivation is not there.

No, it’s not a big deal in the broad spectrum of life. And believe me, there are items that need to be taken care of in the house that are even more important. But this post is suppose to be about gardening, and the outside, not the inside projects.

So, today I’m going to think about winter, because we really haven’t had any this year so far. Not in my opinion anyway. I think we had flurries a couple of times, and nothing really on the ground for long.

This afternoon, I’m going to picture my little pond with the surrounding of limestone, blanketed with white. The birds will be chirping in the silence of a winter day, their colors stark against the blustery, gray sky and drifting snowflakes. I will visualize trees with dark branches covered in white, waiting for new leaves. In my dreams I can think of the bulbs, cozy and warm under the soil, waiting to poke out little green shoots into the springtime sun.

But I will be sitting beside a warm, crackling fire, sipping a cup of something dark and delicious. I may even pull out a gardening catalog, and dream just a little bit about the warmer, to stay, days ahead. But just a little bit.

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A Quick Thought

Brewed Thoughts – Helen Keller

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“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet” ― Helen Keller

Source: Brewed Thoughts – Helen Keller

I am sharing this from another blog I follow. https://rhythminlife.net. She has many wonderful quotes on her blog as well as some fantastic advice on marriage. Some pretty yummy recipes as well that I would like to give a try when I get a chance.

I love this quote because of its simplicity, and it cuts right to the heart of the matter. So many times we, as humans complain or feel sorry for ourselves. The grass is always greener in someone else’s yard, their life is easier than our life, they are prettier, thinner, have more money and the list goes on and on.

There is always someone that has it more difficult than what we have it. Your house may be small, or need work. But you have one, a place to live. I’ve seen entire families living in places built out of boards, cardboard, and tar paper when I visited Ensenada many, many years ago. You may not think you are pretty or thin enough. But there are those that have lost their faces through accidents,  or their bodies are shriveled with cancer. Be thankful for what you have. Look around and see all the ways you’ve been blessed.

Anyone that has read about Helen Keller, knows what she did with her life. She didn’t allow being deaf and blind to ruin the things she could accomplish in her world. And her world of more than 100 years ago wasn’t as accepting of a person with challenges in life as it is now. Be all that you can be. Dance in the rain with bare feet, warm your hands beside a crackling fire. Listen to the rain on your roof, and enjoy the bounty of food that you have. We are blessed in this world today, in so many ways.

 

Marriage

The Wife I Want to Be When I Grow Up…

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This is a post I wrote a year or so ago. We celebrated Valentine’s Day on the 14th of this month. It made me think of this post, and what our expectations are of days such as Valentine’s Day and our engagement, and the day we wed our prince.

It may start out with Cinderella. A little girl wants to wear the frilly, flowing gown and the sparkly, glass slippers. And, “Oh yeah, I need a Prince to go with that pretty dress!” The husband of her dreams is actually an accessory.

I moved on to the cottage perched daintily in a grassy meadow, pink flowers sprinkled here and there, a rose covered white picket fence guarding the little house. cottage-1234802_1280I would have lots and lots of children skipping through the meadow, laughing and playing together in utter enjoyment of one another’s company. I don’t know where they all slept in that tiny house, but dreams don’t make sense a lot of the time. A husband and father…he was around…somewhere.

As I grew older, I thought more about the kind of husband I actually wanted to be married to. Of course he would have to be handsome and love me immensely. Yes, I would love him and I still wanted the little cottage and a couple of children. They would still frolic in the meadow, loving one another and never arguing. I don’t know why I thought this, I grew up the oldest of four. But again, dreams seldom make sense.

Thankfully, by the time I was old enough to marry I was thinking more about the attributes of a husband. I wanted him to be patient and kind, hard-working and willing to support a family. (Remember, I was down to two children by this time, not a tough job.) I wanted him to love the Lord as I did and live his life for Him. Of course I still hoped he would be handsome and funny and love me forever. I still wanted the rose-covered picket fence and adorable house.

And what kind of wife was I going to be? I knew I could cook and clean and again, I was the oldest of four and had babysat…a lot before I married. I could do all the everyday tasks of general survival and I was and am still pretty good at them. But what kind of wife am I?

Do I lift my husband up in prayer each day? Do I support him in his endeavors as he always has mine? Do I give him a smile even when I don’t wish to, a stroke of his back when I know he’s down? Do I prepare a special meal for him just because he means so much to me and I want to show him I care…even when my day has been lousy? Do I love him and stick with him even when there are times when I want to run from all the responsibilities of being a wife and mother?

Honestly…I can answer ‘no’ to each question above.

The wife I want to be when I grow up…is no longer a dream. I can make it my reality, my life. Not through my own strength, but God is there, showing me the way. The wife I want to be is loving and kind. Giving that pat and smile even when I don’t ‘feel’ like it. Being by my husband’s side even when I want to run. There is no honor or beauty in ‘having our own way’ or expressing our ‘rights’.

I am fortunate and blessed. My husband shows me daily how to be loving and kind. He always has been there for me, even when I haven’t deserved it or earned it. No, it’s not a special day for us…not an anniversary of any kind. But it is another day we have to be together and share our lives. God has blessed us abundantly over the past 32 years. And He is still working on me to become the wife I want to be when I grow up.

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I pray the same for you.

A Quick Thought

Malaise

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As I get older, I don’t seem to get sick as much as I once did. When I do get something, it doesn’t last very long or hit too hard. Just enough to put me off my routine for a couple of days. And that’s aggravating. So here I sit at two in the morning, because lying down hurts, sitting hurts, walking hurts, but I can still type. And I am thankful I can sit at the computer for a couple hours at a time. Doing that yesterday helped me to pretty much finish my current manuscript. Yes, I’ll go back today after I’ve slept a little more and see what damage I did. You want to be careful of what you write in a haze of fever. It may come back to haunt you!

During my malaise, (and I’m calling it that because I don’t know what I have, but everyone in our town has it), I’ve watched way more Netflix and Amazon Prime than I usually do. And for some reason, each movie I’ve seen has been about someone battling a disease. ALS, which my maternal grandfather died of, breast cancer and a coma are just a few of the areas I’ve explored the past couple of days.

These movies have made me extremely thankful for the health I do enjoy, most of the time. I take for granted that I can get out of bed each day, that I have a job that is pretty physical, and that our family hasn’t really had to deal with too much in the health area over the past several years.

Why does God allow some to be stricken with cancer, etc. at such young ages, while others live to be 90+ years old? We don’t know, or understand, but it happens. Why are some given a full life and many years, while others leave this earth as children? It makes me sad, and especially sad when I see others suffering.

So for all of you that aren’t feeling so great, eat some of these:

Have a cup of something warm:

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And feel better soon! get-well-1485632_1280

Before we know it, spring will be here and the flu bug will be gone! Until next time…

A Day to Remember

The Art of Eating

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At one time, it was almost a sin to put a pan of any sort on the table. Back in the past, families sat down to three meals a day, at a table that was set with dishes, glasses and cloth napkins. And strangely enough, I can remember this!

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My maternal grandparents still adhered to these rules when I was a child. Every meal consisted of preparation, table setting, and then cleaning up. That included washing dishes at the sink, not loading them into a dish washer. And I don’t recall this being a huge trial.

Sunday dinners were spent at my grandparent’s house in Denver. We would leave church and head over, the adults talking, the children playing outside on nice days, the basement or back bedrooms when not so nice out. The smell of a well-done roast would drift through the house, causing your mouth to water. There were almost always potatoes of some sort served, and gravy was liquid gold. It was carried in a little gravy boat, small ladle dipped inside, the matching plate beneath to catch any spills. Without fail there was a stack of bread upon a plate and some sort of vegetable.

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We ate on Currier and Ives plates purchased through the grocery store over time. I loved those plates and requested them when I was all grown up. I have them now, and they make me smile.

Of course dinner was finished with dessert. Sometimes we would have ice cream, the carton opened and the frozen goodness sliced. No scoop needed. My grandmother was a great baker at one time, winning ribbons for her peach cobbler and pies. I’ve never been able to find a recipe to match that peach cobbler, and for some reason, hers has vanished. Just like those long-ago meals.

Angel Food cake was another favorite. Always served with frozen strawberries from a cardboard can, a slice of vanilla ice cream on top. Sometimes my grandfather would get really adventurous, and we had the whipping cream in a can. I think he had more fun spraying it than we did!

When I was a child, I dreaded the clean-up process just as I’m sure all children did. But happy memories is what  comes to mind. It was an opportunity to talk with my grandparents. I always dried while they washed in the plastic dish pan, rinsed in the sink-full of scalding hot water, and set the dishes to drain in the matching drainer. Glasses were always washed first, then the plates and silverware. Pots and pans finished up the job. This is the same routine I still use today.

I think of all of the above as the art of eating. In our everyday homes, I think that art is lost, along with suits and dresses for church, and family drives through the countryside on a summer evening. So many things that were once slow and enjoyed, an experience to be remembered.

Yes, the Sunday came when the suggestion was made to get McDonald hamburgers. A franchise had opened near my grandparent’s home. I was nearing my teens by that time. My grandmother made her Waldorf Salad to accompany it. I can still see her standing there, slicing apples into the bowl with her paring knife. I was amazed at her technique that day, and she showed me how to hold the apple in my hand and slice it without a cutting board.  She wore an apron over her Sunday dress, the afternoon sunlight shining through the large window and splashing on the kitchen table. The blue and white plates marched around on the tablecloth, folding chairs situated for additional seating. Even if you had a hamburger, you still needed a vegetable, and a proper plate to eat it on.

And I’m glad.

A Day to Remember

La La Land…

deborahanndykeman

is a phrase I said to my children on many occasions. It came into heavy use when they thought I was being too strict, or had given them too many jobs to do in a certain time period, or day. Basically, they were living in La La Land if they thought they would spend the day reading, or watching movies, or eating three pieces of cake for dessert.

And now, La La Land is a movie! I don’t claim to be a movie critic. Yes, I am critical of many movies. Too much language, too much violence, too much showing of actions that should be kept intimate, really turn me off. I do understand that when making certain movies, you need to be realistic. A gangster covering his mouth and saying, “Oh sugar!” or slapping his adversary’s hand, probably isn’t going to cut it. But sometimes it seems a bit over the top.

I also don’t act, and I don’t know a lot about that profession. But it seems as though the talents of many actors had become more about what stunts they could do, rather than the dancing, singing, etc. that was once more about glamorous Hollywood. Don’t get me wrong. The training some of the actors go through to play a character is phenomenal, and I wouldn’t want to do it. But millions of dollars of phenomenal? I think it’s a bit over-the-top in my opinion. But let’s get back to La La Land!

My husband and I rarely go to movies. We have streaming and can watch pretty much anything. So to go to a movie and spend that much money doesn’t happen usually. And last night, I went with our second oldest while our oldest daughter took care of five children. Thank you, oldest daughter! My husband would not have enjoyed the movie. War, crime, etc. are more his genre. But he would have loved the theater. It would have made for a terrific nap. Speaking of the theater, you can check it out here: http://www.ovationcinemagrill.com/#locations It’s pretty fantastic if entertainment in the movie and eating area are for you.

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La La Land was a surprise for me. As a writer, I loved the little twist at the end. Just the kind of romantic, sentimental gesture I adore. The actors, Emma Stone https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Stone and Ryan Gosling https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Gosling didn’t show the typical singing and dancing moves that the old Hollywood was so terrific at, but that could have been intentional. It made it more sweet, in my opinion. Ryan Gosling’s piano playing was a treat, and John Legend…well he is John Legend after all! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Legend. All of this combined with a nice story line made for a really enjoyable couple of hours.

And as I said, that was a surprise to me. I haven’t read any reviews for the movie. A really quick search on Ryan Gosling’s piano playing said that he had actually played the piano in the movie. I hope that is true, my sentimental heart wants to believe that’s true. It was wonderful to see pretty dresses and suits, beautiful scenery, and that song will be in my head forever!

La La Land! It was really special to spend a couple hours there.

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A Quick Thought

Many Thanks!

deborahanndykeman

Have you heard of ‘while I was sleeping’? Well, ‘while I was working’, this blog crossed over more than 6,000 hits! I now have 80 followers. That’s a big thing to me!

I travel to other blogs, looking at their amazing numbers. Literally thousands and thousands of hits, and thousands of followers. And I think, what am I doing wrong? I’ve been at this for a year and a half now. But it’s alright…really.

I’m so very thankful for each and every person that chooses to read a post by me. I love when people comment and share their lives for a moment. It still amazes me that people have actually read my books! And a few have written lovely reviews. Reaching out to others, sharing my life and who I am is where it’s at. And I’m continually amazed that anyone cares.

So thank you to all my precious followers! Many thanks for those of you that comment. Even a few words connects me to who you are. And that’s fascinating! Have a lovely weekend!

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