Month: October 2015

Parenting 101

Rainbow Baby

deborahanndykeman

Every day I seem to learn something new. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older now and I’m willing to listen and learn or if I really just wasn’t very tuned into what was going on around me. Whatever the case, I love to learn new things.

While I was using Facebook this morning, I saw the term ‘rainbow baby’. Of course the very first thing that came to mind was a baby painted with rainbow stripes. As I’ve said before, I’m very visual and sensory oriented. I thought a rainbow-painted baby would be strange, but maybe cute for photographs. I’ve always loved those pictures taken with a baby in the middle of a flower, by Anne Geddes. Here is one of hers:

baby in a flower

Many of you may already know this, but a ‘rainbow baby’ is a baby that is born after a miscarriage, stillbirth or death of a child. I didn’t know there was a term for it. The term is to portray the happiness or ‘rainbow’ after a stormy time.

Our youngest of six, is our ‘rainbow baby’. Between our fourth and fifth child, I had a miscarriage at ten weeks. My husband was driving over-the-road at the time. He was thrilled about a new baby, me…a little hesitant. We already had four children and I was getting older, heading to forty. Just a little scary. The pregnancy was very different than all the rest. No morning sickness, or I should say all day for the first couple of months. I was tired, but felt very well over all. Again, not like the previous four pregnancies.

Just as I was beginning to accept the idea, knowing that I could handle it, and even getting excited about a new baby, I had the miscarriage. This was a complete shock to me more than anything. After four children, it was not expected. I know it never is, but after four, I just wasn’t thinking of it being a possibility. I was in denial for a couple of weeks, thinking it had all been a mistake, that there really would be a baby born that August of 2003.

In January of 2004, after moving back east, settling our children in school and getting a full-time job, I was pregnant once again. So many emotions were involved this time that hadn’t even been there before! I had decided to change our entire lives with a move, new job and children in school after I had been homeschooling. Needless to say, we were all a little shell-shocked. My husband was also working locally after driving for so many years. When I knew I was pregnant, I was not happy and I was even closer to being forty. After having a previous miscarriage, I didn’t even really accept the pregnancy for a few weeks, knowing that it would end in the same, devastating scenario.

Then came the morning sickness, lasting all day for the regular, (for me) four months. I was so sick and exhausted that the job was stopped. I had older children that were not happy with me ‘ruining’ their lives with another baby. Now don’t misunderstand, our family LOVES children, but when you are seventeen, this is not what you want your parents doing. My husband and second oldest were absolutely thrilled and all I could do was survive and wait for the miscarriage to happen.

When I saw ‘rainbow baby’ today, I knew that was a very appropriate name for our youngest. She arrived in September of 2004 and she was greatly anticipated and loved. She was born just two months shy of my fortieth birthday and one month before we celebrated our twentieth anniversary. That will always be remembered in our family. After the despair and feelings of loss, our youngest was a balm to my soul and helped to heal the hurt in our family. Our fifth child will always be missed. I will always wonder if the baby was a boy or girl and what they would have looked like now, at age twelve. The knowledge that I  will meet him or her someday is a comfort to me. No, I don’t understand why the miscarriage happened. So many things in this life are difficult to understand and don’t make sense. But God knows, and I have faith in that.

A Day to Remember

A Day REALLY makes a difference!

deborahanndykeman

Wow! ‘What a difference a day makes’! Remember that old saying? I’m going to call it ‘old’ because I remember a song by the same title and it was around before I was! It was sung by Dinah Washington. You can listen to this great song right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmBxVfQTuvI

For those of you that are a little younger than I, you may prefer this version by Amy Winehouse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_MllRG5aBU

Or…if you would love to hear a little girl with a VERY big voice, check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSfgCIGd7k4 I absolutely love her long hair!

I love that the last two versions use the original arrangement that Dinah Washington sung. It’s also fantastic to see some younger people singing the ‘oldies but goodies’! Thank you to those that posted the above on YouTube so that I could share them on here.

Yesterday, I was finally able to have the printed version of my book on CreateSpace. That was wonderful enough. But later that night, my oldest daughter was here helping with editing, technical ‘stuff’ again and she checked Amazon. There it was! Now this was especially exciting because CreateSpace had said yesterday that it wouldn’t be available through Amazon for 3-5 business days. There it was! So many people have asked if it would be available at Amazon because it is just easier to purchase through them. It was just amazing to see my book on the Amazon page!!! You may purchase the e-version and the printed version through links on here as well as my Facebook page.

I had a wild, crazy, and exciting ride yesterday in the publishing journey. I woke up this morning to a drippy, overcast sky…usually a little depressing for me. I crave sunlight and occasionally like a cloudy day. But then I remembered that song, which isn’t talking about publishing or the weather. It did seem to fit my thoughts for the day. ‘What a Difference a Day Makes’…I pray your day makes a difference in someone’s life.

Writing

A Journey of Senses

deborahanndykeman

When you see this stone bridge, what thoughts and feelings come to mind? Where do you think it’s headed? Is the bridge itself welcoming or sinister with the gray rock and narrow path? Fall bridgeIt’s amazing what color and lighting, temperature and smell can do to transform our thoughts.

Picture in your mind this same setting in the winter. The frozen stream below, snow-covered path and charcoal gray branches shivering in the wind. If there is bright sunlight, the snow may sparkle as well as the sugared stream. You might want to investigate, breathe deeply of the cold, clean air as you crunch along.

Springtime would bring new leaves, swaying on their tender stems, sunlight shimmering on the gurgling water rushing through the stone arch. Maybe there would be flowers, painted here and there along the path. Birds would sing happily in the fresh air, joyous for the season ahead.

Summer would be bursting with dark greens, a canopy above as you meandered along the narrow bridge. You would stop at the highest point and observe the trickling, coolness below before continuing on your stroll.

Autumn has arrived. That is what has drawn me to this picture. The leaves scattered along the path, the water reflecting the colors in the sky. I can feel the cool breeze and smell the leaves and moist earth that only emanates in autumn.

The bridge is welcoming in all the scenarios described above. But let’s think of a very dark night and our thoughts change immediately. Maybe the bridge isn’t so welcoming anymore. You may not want to proceed down that narrow path. Each ‘splash’ in the black water or ‘crunch’ in the trees beyond may send you right out of that setting! Add a ‘dark and stormy’ night with the wind lashing at your head, branches crashing to the sodden ground…you get the ‘picture’.

Colors, lighting, temperature and smells play such a huge part in my daily life. They set the tone for so many things. I have purposely set up my entire yard to partake of all those items I just listed. Each season has its own set of the items. They are comforting to me in their familiarity and give me something to anticipate with the changing of each season. Without even knowing it, I think many of us are designed that way. Some of us just wallow in it more than others! Have a Happy Autumn!

Marriage

Happy Anniversary!

deborahanndykeman

Happy Anniversary, to my dear husband! Yes, it’s been 31 years today.October 20, 1984; George & Deborah Dykeman with Grandma McMillen & Auntie This picture shows my new husband and me after the wedding with my maternal grandmother and her sister, my great-aunt. Both have gone on to be with the Lord now. My grandmother was not able to make it to the wedding because of health issues, so we went upstairs to her room and had this picture taken. Both of these dear women are greatly missed in my life.

October 20, 1984 dawned bright and beautiful in upstate New York. The leaves were  hanging in there and some color was still visible. That day reached a high of 80 degrees, which is rather unusual for that area in the Catskill mountains. I had wanted a candlelight ceremony which was gorgeous and very special, but it also meant I had to wait the ENTIRE day to see my soon-to-be husband. I cautioned my three daughters on that very thing when they were planning their weddings. (Must have been the reason we had two early morning weddings!)

I remember I didn’t sleep much the night before and stayed up late washing my clothes to take with me and ironing them. The next day I couldn’t eat much and spent my time doing my nails, putting Nair on my face for that pesky, peach fuzz. That resulted in big, red splotches of color between my brows and on my upper lip. So of course I cautioned my daughters to not do that as well! It’s amazing what foundation can do! I had a flawless complexion by 5:30, the time of the ceremony. But…

My grandmother was staying with us, my mother caring for her in our home at the time. In the process of helping her in the bathroom, the toilet tank was broken. My grandmother’s room was above the living room. The reception was to be at the house. My mother had placed dishes of mints artistically around the room. You guessed it, the water, several gallons of it leaked through the ceiling and into the living room. Those mints were really pretty floating in their little dishes. So, my father, father of the bride, made a trip to town to purchase a toilet tank and spent the afternoon repairing the damage done.

Yes, we made it to the wedding on time, rinsed mints and all. (Yes, my father actually suggested this to my mother. But they were thrown out.) The sun was starting its descent, the last rays glowing brilliantly when the two doors were opened and my father and I walked into that little, white church in that New England town. There stood my future husband, tall and handsome at the front of the church. Thus began our years together.

I know celebrating 31 years is about ALL the years you have shared as a couple. I do remember and rejoice in those years as well. But my mind always goes back to that day in October, how young we were, how thin we were, how full of expectation and happiness for our future together. And that’s the way it should be. I love to think back on that day, all those emotions and relive them again. I pray I am able to do that until I am gone from this world. I keep our wedding pictures placed around our house…to remember where we started. To share that day with our children and now grandchildren…those people that God knew would share our lives someday but we were unaware of at the time.

Happy Anniversary, dear husband. Thank you for sharing the past 31 years with me, not always by my side, but in my soul and part of me. I look forward to many more. And you know what? It really does just keep getting better and better!

edited for facebook

Writing

A Rough and Rocky Road

deborahanndykeman

Yesterday, I received the printed version of my book to proof. I opened the box, unwrapped the brown paper around it…and there it was!

white 450x450Original Font Design

To Thee I'm Wed-2New Font Design I love!!! Thank you Julia!

I wrote, ‘To Thee I’m Wed’ in 2007. For eight years I have reread, rewritten and prayed about this book, wondering if it would ever be published.

Every writer pours much of themselves into their writing. We write from our experiences, our dreams, our heartaches and our laughter.

The same is for ‘To Thee I’m Wed’. In 1994, my husband and I traveled a very rough and rocky road for almost a year. It stemmed from many situations as trials and tribulations often do. Things don’t just ‘happen’. There is usually a cause and a reason behind it. People like my sister and a friend named Vicki were there for me. They talked at all hours of the day, supported, helped with our children and corrected my thinking where need be. Believe me…it needed correcting many times!

So, in 2007, after writing four other books, I wrote ‘To Thee I’m Wed’, elaborating, thinking about what ‘could have happened’. So yes, this book has much of ‘me’ in it.

I thank God for how He worked in my life especially during that time. He helped me to grow in ways I never thought possible. He helped us to turn our lives back around and focus on what really matters. We had another opportunity, something many people never get.

Unwrapping my book yesterday, was the culmination of so many difficult times in my life. It was tangible proof of going on after testing and tribulation. For me, that was pretty emotional and awesome! I pray that those reading ‘To Thee I’m Wed’ evaluate their own lives. Think of where you are in your spiritual growth, what marriage means, what kind of sacrifices you are willing to make so you don’t become another statistic. Sometimes the right decision isn’t the easy one.

A Day to Remember

A Time to Cherish

deborahanndykeman

Change. If you’ve been reading my posts lately, you know there is a theme going on here. Not planned, my writing rarely is. That probably shows on many levels to some people! For me, writing is a way to express myself, a time to reach within and bring out those thoughts, emotions and ideas I’m not always great at expressing. My writing is usually about what is going on in my life at a given time.

So, back to change. Maybe it’s the fall colors beginning to dance in the Kansas wind. Perhaps the cool breeze lifting the bedroom curtain each night. A recent wedding and an announcement of a new grandchild greeting the world this coming April. All the above are changes in my life, and changes cause me to reflect on what once was. Maybe it’s my OCD, but I go back to the beginning and set everything in tidy order. It gives me a chance to remember, to make adjustments in my way of viewing certain circumstances that have occurred. Hopefully I’ve matured along the way and the conclusions I come to now…sometimes years later, are more thought out, less congested with emotion…and much more appreciated.

So this morning, I’m remembering my siblings. I’m thinking back on what once was. Most of us have siblings. Most of us don’t appreciate them at the time…the years when we are growing to adulthood. But whether we want to accept it or not, those years shape us to a certain extent. We can grow older, move away, take different roads in our lives…but those years together are still there. Some could take this in a negative way if those growing up years were not the best, but I choose to remember mine with fondness. No, they were not perfect, but I venture to say most of us probably didn’t have perfection. That is not what matters…you had a relationship. This post is dedicated to my siblings, all younger than me since I was the oldest. (A little math for your early morning!)

Growing up, I was thankful, (yes, even at the time) for my siblings. My father worked for IBM and we moved a bit. During my teenage years, this was more frequent and for me, my home base was my safe zone. I could go home after a day at school, trying to adjust to all the new faces and classes and find comfort in the familiarity of my family and my surroundings. With all the moves, my mother was excellent at setting up a house and making it homey. It was my refuge. My siblings were always there, a sure thing in an upside down world. When I didn’t have friends at school or in the neighborhood because we were ‘new’, I could always play, talk and be with my siblings. Even if it was the same-old bickering about silly little things, it was MY family.

The memories for me come in bits and pieces. A certain smell in the air, a laugh or a mannerism our daughters share that is so like my sister. Flowers make me think of my brother, Kreston and his artistic talents in so many areas. Curly hair always reminds me of my sister, Jennifer and the blonde curls springing from her head when she was a child. And it makes me smile. My youngest brother, Todd…where there is a will, there is a way and he ALWAYS found a way! Fair time brings to mind all those August days in upstate New York. I was pretty much doing my own thing and then married by the time my family was showing horses, but I remember those days well. All the holidays we shared, the games we played on those days and the great food…especially a certain pie my brother ‘enjoyed’ all on his own!

These are times and relationships that have helped to shape me into what I am today. And even though my siblings may never see this post, I pray they know and understand what they mean to me…the part they have played in my life. I wish all of you happy memories to take out and savor. I pray these memories for my own children and caution them to protect their relationship among the five of them. You may move, develop different opinions, but the relationship and the closeness you once had can be cherished. And if possible, it can continue.

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Our Christian Walk

To Everything There Is a Season

deborahanndykeman

So many changes over the past year! Some good, some bad, here an easy road, then a long hill to climb. Happy, joyous moments and mournful, weepy hours. I know it’s been the same for you. We call this ‘life’ and we all have one.

To Everything There Is a Season, is a song performed by the Byrds and others. You can follow the link here and have the song going through your head as you finish this post, just as it has gone through mine as I have written it.

https://youtu.be/pKP4cfU28vM

That link will also give you more information about the song. No copyright infringement intended.

The song was taken from the book of Ecclesiastes chapter three verses one through eight. (3:1-8) Chapter one says, ‘The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.’ (KJV) King Solomon was the son of David. Wise words to remember as we live this life.

So as I look back over the past year, the struggles I’ve had physically, our son’s surgeries, two new people of importance in our children’s lives and the passing of my husband’s mother…there have been a lot of changes. It has been a season of adjustments and challenges.

It has also been a season of great joy and abundant blessing and that is what I want to concentrate on and revel in. Our son has healed wonderfully after each surgery and he has a very special woman in his life to help bear that burden. My husband’s mother had a long life, filled with children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She is now with the Lord. Our third daughter married and we now have another wonderful addition to our family and they are on the exciting road of building a life together. So many changes, but each had a purpose.

As I feel the cool change in the wind and see the colors changing in my garden, I know a new season is upon us. This month my husband and I will celebrate our 31st wedding anniversary…and then we begin another year. We don’t know now everything that will unfold, but we can be assured that change will happen…to everything there is a season. I am so happy that God planned it that way! It makes life so much more interesting! Enjoy and learn from the season you are in.

A Day to Remember

Such a Beautiful Day for a Wedding!

deborahanndykeman

Weddings and the day a baby is born are beautiful experiences for me and I’m sure many others as well.

12026502_10203871751834506_1643016608_n

Our third daughter married a wonderful young man on September 19th. And it was a beautiful day. Not just the perfect weather, which was a blessing, but the blending of two families as this young couple begin their own life together. The above picture is with the parents of the bride and groom. The video you can link to below is from the photographer and friend of the bride and groom. I’m sure you would agree that she did a fantastic job. So, a tribute to our third daughter and her new husband, our third son-in-law. May God bless you with many, many wonderful and joyous years together. With much love…

http://www.alannasingerphotography.com/#!alyssa-and-mitchel/if5xn